Happiness {3}: The Pursuit

Participants in “Write 31 Days” pledge to write for 30 minutes on a single topic every day in October.  My topic?  Happiness.

If I had to choose a theme for yesterday, it would be “choosing happiness when life is hard.”

But now I’m all in a muddle.  What’s the difference between happiness and joy?  Is it possible to choose one or both?  Am I concerned with happiness or joy?

I did a little research.  This website has a thorough comparison of the two.

If one wins a lottery of $10,000, they would be very happy but if that person works hard and sets up his business and earns $10,000, he would feel joy. Though the ultimate benefit is the same, the cause being different makes the final emotion different.  (Diffen)

If I was going to summarize my conclusion, it would be that happiness is a fleeting feeling based on external factors, while joy is a longer-lasting connection with something deeper.

Yesterday I was feeling the opposite of happy.  My “external factors” were a mess.  To keep the ship of my life from going down a whirlpool of despair, I paused.  I thought about what I could do to turn things around.  Then I did that.

-I tried to smile a lot.  I’ve always disliked the phrase, “fake it ’til you make it,” but it seems to be true for smiling.  I smiled at the kids.

It’s not healthy to hide all adult struggles from kids, but nor is there a point to burdening them with every problem we face as parents.  By making myself smile more, I felt better and so did they.

-The kids and I went to the park (Cee rode in the stroller).  This sacrifice on my part (all I do at the park is chase Bea and keep her from eating woodchips) made us all a little more cheery.

-We read some library books.  I would say this was a joy-bringer, because it allowed our family to connect.  To laugh.  To share an experience.  To be physically present with the ones who love us the most.

– I talked over the voice in my head, which just lists all my fears and worries.  Once I’ve run through the list once, there’s no need to keep replaying it.  So I shut it down the best I could by employing a louder internal monologue to cover up the scared one.

Happiness is nice, but joy is better.

Happiness is a scoop of ice cream, but joy is a slice of amaretto wedding cake.
Happiness is a good movie with a friend, but joy is a good conversation with a friend.
Happiness is a trip to DisneyWorld, but joy is a service trip to Haiti.

I wish I could remember the source, but a year or so ago I remember seeing a study about what parents around the world want for their children.  “Happiness” was at the top of the list for those in the US.  I wonder if that’s part of our problem as a nation.  We’re so busy pursuing the contentment of now that we’re not making deep connections, sacrificing for others, being grateful, or acting morally.

With that in mind, “the pursuit of happiness” sounds a little hollow.  It turns out what I want is for my kids to pursue joy.  To fight for justice.  To be good stewards of the environment.  To know how to work hard to achieve goals.  To love and be loved unconditionally.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about being happy, but when it becomes our sole pursuit our lives get all out of whack.

Oh no.  Did I just talk myself out of a topic?  Snap.  Good thing I went with “Sweeping Up Joy” instead of “Sweeping Up Happiness” as a blog title.  At least that’s something.  🙂

 

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Day 1:  The Evolution of an Idea
Day 2:  In a Cave
Day 3:  The Pursuit
Day 4:  Peanuts Gang Style
Day 5: A Beautiful Death