Family Connections: Family Culture

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S-C-H (s-c-h)
O-N (o-n)
H-A-R (h-a-r)
D-T! (d-t!)
That’s our name (That’s our name)
Schonhardt (Schonhardt)
It’s kinda long (It’s kinda long)
So we sing this song! (So we sing this song!)

When Cee, our oldest, was little, I knew it would be an uphill battle learning how to spell our last name. It *is* kinda long and has several bonus letters. So I made it into a chant she could echo. In no time tiny little Cee could spell “Schonhardt.”

At that time my concept of family identity didn’t go much deeper than figuring out how to remember all those last name letters, but as we’ve added years and members to our Schonhardt Club, our family culture has developed both organically and intentionally.

Because David cares deeply about the proper seasoning and cooking of meat, our kids are growing up to be little foodies. The kids have absorbed my love of reading and David’s love of the outdoors. Without even trying, we’ve established the basics of who we are as a family.

Going beyond habits and hobbies can be a little trickier. We want our family culture to include a good work ethic, which requires modeling and supervised practice. Ditto for figuring out how to disagree respectfully or how to be kind, even to irritating younger siblings.

We’re just starting to get to the point where the truths aren’t so universal as “no stabbing people with forks” or “you must wear more than underpants outside.” Some families allow things and encourage things that we don’t. That doesn’t make either them or us better or worse necessarily; we’re just different.

This post by Kendra Tierney from five years ago really encouraged me not to feel guilty for being stricter or different from other families. I haven’t given this exact speech to the kids, but they have heard some form of it in little chunks.

“The So-and-so’s might let their kids have cell phones in Kindergarten or watch PG-13 movies or eat chocolate pudding for breakfast. The Schonhardts do not.

We do, however, sometimes spend all day in our pajamas. Maybe the So-and-so’s don’t let their kids cook and help in the kitchen, and their kids have to scoop out the chicken coop every week. Every family is different, and that’s okay. God made you a Schonhardt, so that’s what you have to work with.”

We know families who play basketball together or follow an NFL team or go camping in actual tents. Bless their hearts.

I could not do a layup or stay awake through a quarter or lie on the hard ground all night for the sake of family togetherness. Fortunately, I don’t have to. I can play this game with my bigs and give the littles horsie rides around the living room, and they are just as happy.

Ultimately all our traditions, all our quirks, all the little ways we connect with our kids make up our family culture.