Family Connections: DadTime

Since we homeschool, I am with my kids almost all the time. I know what books they are reading for fun. I see their plus plus creations. I’m involved with every math lesson and spelling quiz.

Sometimes I wonder if I let the quantity of time we spend together overshadow the quality of time we spend together, though.

David’s situation is sort of opposite. Being the only income-earner in a large family with serious medical needs means that he puts in lots of hours to make sure we’re taken care of. He can’t log the same number of minutes with the kids as I can. He needs to make sure his minutes count.

Although our circumstances are different, ultimately David and I are left with the same problem: how to connect with our kids in a meaningful way given the finite resource of time.

We have friends who take their kids on Mommy Dates and Daddy Dates for their birthday and half-birthday. It’s a sweet idea, and I admire the effort they’ve put into that tradition.

We can’t really swing restaurant dates now (maybe someday!), but we’ve instituted DadTime and MomTime with the same goal.

DadTime is simple. David lets one child know that it is DadTime and sets the oven timer for 15 minutes. Then David will do anything that child wants until the timer goes off. Playing dinosaurs, giving piggyback rides, drawing– it’s all fair game.

Part of what makes DadTime possible is that there’s a time frame. David couldn’t commit to hours of rough-housing with Moe, but he can calendar himself for 15 minutes to spend with Moe. (He almost always chooses rough-housing.) I can find 15 minutes where Mateo is happy and the other kids aren’t actively trying to burn down the house in order to color with Cee or play Crazy Eights with Moe.

Our goal is to cycle through DadTime and MomTime with each child every week, though our record is far from perfect.

That’s not to say we’re not playing Candyland or reading stories together at other times throughout the week. What DadTime offers is the opportunity for our kids to choose the activity and have our undivided attention.

I’ve been surprised at the different ways they’ve wanted to spend time together– for example when our oldest suggested “cuddling” as her preferred activity. I hope that articulating what they’d like to do will help them be self-aware and open in their future relationships, and I’m glad for the opportunity to spend time together doing something to make them feel happy, safe, and loved.




Linking up with The Life We Build for Blogging Through the Alphabet.

Family Connections ABCs: Simple Ways to Grow in Joy
A: Apologizing
B: Book Club
C: Church
D: DadTime