Okay, maybe an ocean is exaggerating a little. But we’re at more than a country song, if less than an ocean on the tragedy scale for sure.
– My grandma passed away recently. She suffered with Alzheimer’s for a decade, and although I miss her, I am grateful she is at peace. Losing a loved one is always hard.
– After two years of remission, my dad has had some bad news. It’s still early in the news discovery stage, so there isn’t much to share at this point. Please keep him and my mom in your prayers.
– And the tragedy of tragedies is that I am not pregnant. I was last week. I am not today.
I’m not sure how to tell the story, except to include the draft of the obituary I’m working on. I took out the identifying information because I’m afraid of the internet, so it looks a little like the least-fun Mad Lib ever.
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Joseph Patrick [ ___ ] was born still on April 13, 2022 at [ ___ ] Hospital in [ ___ ] after an ultrasound revealed his little heart was no longer beating. Tragically, his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. Sweet Joseph weighed 3 pounds, 1 ounce.
Grateful for the opportunity to have held him for even a moment are his parents, David and Alicia.
During his brief life he enjoyed listening from his cozy home inside his mom to lots of stories, songs, jokes, and occasional sibling arguments. Although he never felt the warmth of the sun, he felt nothing but the warmth of love from so many people. His big sister Bea loved to hug her mom’s tummy saying, “This is for you AND the new baby.”
Joseph’s family prayed for him every night and frequently debated the best name for him as their tie-breaker boy. Sibling suggestions “Moses” and “Bartholomew” did not make the cut.
Joseph is survived by his six siblings Cee, Elle, Moe, Bea, Mateo, and Pio, grandparents [ ___ ] and [ ___ ], and many dear extended family members.
Joseph’s short life is a reminder that all life is precious. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made in Joseph’s honor to a pregnancy resource center such as [ ___ ] in [ ___ ] or [ ___ ] in [ ___ ] .
Mass of Christian Burial will be [ ___ ] at The Church of St. Mary in [ ___ ] .
“I carried you every second of your life, and I will love you every second of mine.”
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At 29 weeks, we thought we were into the safe zone. It actually is an ocean of tragedy. An ocean of tears we’ve cried between moments of normalcy in taking care of our other kids. Mateo is four now, and keeps asking impossible questions we do our best to answer. “What if Joseph’s heart was still beating? Why can’t we go see him now? Will we bury him in the grass?”
My heart is broken. But like Mister Rogers says to do in times of hardship, we look for the helpers. I am inspired by the helpers who have stood with us these last few days.
The team at our hospital, especially our midwife team and all our nurses, showed the utmost compassion in helping us respect Joseph’s life. The dignity and care they showed will never be forgotten. Carefully explaining our options, helping us navigate the unbearable pain, and praying with us helped ensure we got through the first stage of loss without any regrets.
The volunteers who make hats, blankets, and outfits for babies who die before birth, the people who create mementos for grieving families, the families who donate stuffed animals for children who lose siblings– all those helpers make the load easier to bear.
I am not sure how we will get through the next hour. Good Friday is like that. But Sunday is coming. Eventually. That’s what I have to keep telling myself. Because for now, it really does feel like the weight of an ocean.
I am not pregnant. But last week I was.
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I am so very sorry. Memory eternal to your sweet boy! Many prayers for you and your family.
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So sorry for you and your family’s loss. You, Joseph and your family are in my prayers. Some times there really isn’t an answer other than taking one day at a time. I pray that Our Lady wraps her mantle around you and your family.
God Bless
Beth
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I am so very sorry. My Lazarus came five weeks ago at eighteen weeks. My husband named him Lazarus because we’ll see him alive again. I’ve never felt the weight of Friday and Saturday before Sunday comes like I do right now. You expressed that so beautifully.
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My heart is heavy for you/David and your little family. Hard things ….from your grandma passing, your precious Joseph Patrick taken too soon and the news of your dad. I pray for unshakable faith ….Jesus carry this young mom on this tough road she is on. Grant her peace as she process the happenings of this week. May she feel Your presence.
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Oh Alicia, I am so sorry for your loss! May you feel God’s loving embrace, as He must surely carry you and your family through this intense grief and pain. Hang on through this rough ride.
Wrapping you and your family in prayer and love,
Lisa Hofer
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I’m so, so sorry Alicia. Praying for you all so much, and I’m so glad you were able to get pictures with Joseph.
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Alicia and David I am so sorry for your loss of Joseph Patrick.I pray that you and your family find comfort in the Love you share. God Bless . Love Cousin Shirley
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Praying for you all, Alicia. I’m so sorry for the loss of sweet Joseph!
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Sympathy to the family.
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So so sad to hear this news, Alicia. Be assured of our prayers for you and your family.
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My deepest sympathies for the losses of your son and your grandmother. May the support of your friends and family comfort you all through this difficult time.
Thank you for sharing the picture of his sweet little foot. So precious.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. We lost our 5th child unexpectedly at 28 weeks last September. I am praying for you, for your husband, and for your sweet children. “Jesus, heal their wounds.” You are so strong and so brave. Just pray. Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
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I am so, so sorry for the loss of your precious boy. I am praying for you and your family.
I prayed this psalm a lot when going through a recent miscarriage and I will pray it now for you.
Jesus, I trust in you!
Song of Quiet Trust
A Song of Ascents. Of David.
131 O Lord, my heart is not lifted up,
my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
too great and too marvelous for me.
2 But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a child quieted at its mother’s breast;
like a child that is quieted is my soul.
3 O Israel, hope in the Lord
from this time forth and for evermore.
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Oh, I am so sorry and heartbroken for you, Alicia. We will be praying for your precious family. My son, Joshua, was miscarried at 17 weeks over a year ago. There aren’t any words that can take away your pain, but on your bad days, try very, very hard to remind yourself that you will see and hold your son again. It helps to think of that beautiful, glorious day in the future.
Another thing that helped me was making a scrapbook with the pictures and mementos we have of our son. Pouring your grief into something creative is a wonderful outlet. Find something to create – baking, art, a garden, music, a scrapbook, whatever it is that soothes you.
So many prayers for you. You will always miss your baby boy, but the pain won’t always be so raw.