Momsolation — The Results

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Mothering

After reading Carrot’s thoughts on the pressures of being a mom in today’s society, I set five goals for myself this week.  I’ve never really set goals, but I’ve known for a while that I’ve been failing self-care.  It seemed like time to at least pretend to try.

I’ve thought about making little changes before, but honestly–I forget.  Here’s how it’s gone in the past:  I feel convicted to fix or improve something in my life.  After a successful day one of Implementing Big Plans, I wake up the next day forgetting day one even happened.  Two weeks later, something sparks a memory about the Big Plans, but the conviction fireworks have since fizzled out.  But now I have a blog, which someone might read someday, so I have Theoretical Accountability.  Big Plans + Theoretical Accountability = Stuff Gets Done.

Anyway, here’s a peek at my week.

  1.  I am going to stop telling my husband that I wish he had a good wife.  (Yes, I’ve done that.  Yes, it’s dumb.)

    I didn’t say these words all week, but I don’t say them very often.  Usually it’s when things are rock-bottom bad— kids are screaming, dish jenga is happening all over the counters, three loads of laundry are strewn around the living room waiting to be folded (or rewashed if the kids get them dirty), and I’m sporting the 2:00 pm pajamas of shame.

    It is in that moment that I genuinely feel like my husband got the short end of the stick in the wife department.  I read somewhere that it’s not fair to compare my worst day with someone else’s best day, and that’s what this is all about.  I feel insecure when I compare the reality of staying home and schooling four kids with some sort of magazine white-couch image.  David always pulls me out of the pit of despair by assuring me that I am enough and that he wouldn’t change anything about our beautiful, messy life.  That’s called fishing, my friends, and I’m making a commitment to avoid fishing/despairing like this in the future.  It’s just not healthy for anyone.

  2.  I am going to shower first.  Before making the kids breakfast.  They will not starve, though Moe will think he will.

    I did this!  The first day I was in the middle of scrambled eggs when David came into the kitchen and reminded me of my goal to shower first.  Oops! But he took over, and I showered.  Other than that first day, I was completely successful in this.  And—it actually made a difference in my mornings.Usually I try to wait for the perfect star-alignment-for-showering moment.  The kids have to be busy and fed, and by the time I get them engaged in something, it’s time to be fed again.  I realized I waste a lot of time trying to get everyone settled.  I also start to get huffy when I am on the verge of being able to leave the kitchen to shower, and someone has a question/needs a drink/just wants to cuddle.  My mornings were much more efficient when my main focus wasn’t sneaking away.  Bonus—I was much more present for my kids.  They deserve me when I’m not huffy about reading them a morning story.

    I usually roll my eyes when someone says something like, “Laying out my clothes the night before changed my life!” or “Waking up 30 minutes before everyone completely improved my entire existence.”  Turns out the joke’s on me, because showering first really did change my life and improve my entire existence.  Sorry, world, for all those eye rolls.

  3.  I am going to wear elastic free pants all week.  And an accessory that is not the baby wrap.

    I call this mostly a success.  I did not wear stretchy pants all week, but I remembered why I don’t wear accessories:  1.  I don’t have many, and 2. babies eat accessories.

    Back in the day I loved wearing dangly earrings—the way they looked, the way they tickled my ears when I move, the message they sent that “I am a person who can wear accessories”—earrings gave me confidence.  But now they are just a sign saying, “Pull me, pull me so you can shred your mom’s ear holes!”

    As far as other jewelry, I have gone through a series of miraculous medals that I’ve enjoyed wearing every day, but they’ve gotten lost.  I think I still have my last one which came free in the mail with an appeal for donations.  I appreciate that it isn’t expensive (because I lost all the others), but it is still a choking hazard.

    Really my only hope for an accessory was a Chewbeads necklace (even the older kids enjoy a comforting bite now and then) that I wore with everything after Moe was born, but the kids chewed the clasp.  Sigh.

    chewbeads
    A little bedtime chew

    For the record, I liked scarves before scarves were cool.  But the baby sucks on them, and pretty soon I’m just wearing a spitty bib on her behalf.  Since we split for mass, I didn’t have Baby Bea and could wear both a bracelet AND scarf to mass.  So that counts for something.  Although I enjoy following along, I will not be linking up with Rosie’s My Sunday Best.  After two weeks I could just recycle the same pictures.  Since I only use them for church, my dressy clothes are pretty limited.

    In conclusion, this wasn’t a complete success because I didn’t think through the implications of a life with accessories.

  4.  I am going to call, on an actual telephone, a mom friend.  Not sure about what yet.  That’s okay.  I’m good at awkward.

    Fail.  No phone call.  But—I did spend quite a bit of time in real life with my retired neighbor lady.  This is the first summer the kids have played outside much.  At first they were too little to be outside on their own, and then Cee got sick.  I’m grateful for the adult interaction in the middle of the day!  And she’s empathetic as far as my joys and struggles.

    She watches Moe be Moe and talks about her spitfire daughter who climbed trees all the time.  She brings out permanent markers and lets the kids color her lawn knick-knacks (you know, the little statues of kids with baskets and bunnies that retired people like).  She digs in her garage and comes out with an old kite her grandkids used to have.  She holds the baby and doesn’t mind getting drooled on.  She is a treasure.  How have I not discovered this until now?!?!  What other treasures are hiding in my neighborhood?

  5. I am going to go to adoration.  Alone.

    Check.  It was quiet.  I was still.  Jesus was there.  In full disclosure,  I did start to doze off, but other than that, it was probably the best medicine for helping me restore balance to my life.  We have a weekly adoration time, but usually it’s easier for David to go.  Easier isn’t always better, and I’m going to make an effort to be able to go more often.

 

To sum things up, I found a treasure (4), started a new habit (1), and put first things first (5).  What a worthwhile experiment!  Thanks, Haley, for the inspiration.

(This post does contain an affiliate link for chewbeads, because everyone with a baby could use some.)

3 Comments


  1. // Reply

    I love this Alicia! I’m horrible at making plans like this too but I feel so much better when I do and I can stick to them. You’ve just inspired me to try again.


  2. // Reply

    Hooray! Here’s to being the best moms we can be. 🙂


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