Happiness {15}: Lazy Parenting

(The goal of the project is to write for 31 days.  I made it 15ish days.  Not exactly a glowing example of stick-with-it-ness, but the other topics I felt called to write about this month like miscarriage, stuff I’ve found in our bathrooms, and the solutions to all my problems took up time and brain space.  Add that to how topsy-turvy our October shaped up to be with Cee’s increasing pain and the loss of my grandma, and I’m still going to call this one a win.)

From the outside, we look like lazy parents.  We don’t rush to pull the baby off the table.  We don’t break up every argument between our kids.  We don’t provide a lot of structured activities.  Our kids choose what to wear for the day from a small pool of hand-me-downs and things they’ve been given as gifts because we don’t buy them much for clothes.

Part of it comes from having four kids.  With a limited amount of time and energy, we have to pick and choose our literal and figurative battles.

Exhibit A:   In September we took a trip to the St. France Cabrini Shrine in Boulder, CO.  That Sunday we were the only ones walking through the garden area at the shrine, and we let the kids explore.

Just a minute after David snapped this picture of me and The Bubs for My Sunday Best, Moe decided to put his newfound potty-training skills to use.  Except not in a bathroom.  No one was around to be scandalized, and we knew the sun would dry up any evidence quickly.  Other than a little chat about the appropriateness of such an action, we didn’t get too worked up about it.   Moe is kid # 3.  We’ve seen worse.

There’s more to it than just having lots of kids, though.  

David and I have enjoyed watching the new TV series Speechless.  Have you seen it?  It’s about a family that includes a son with cerebral palsy.  It’s been decent, and this clip in particular put into words why we’ve stopped caring about lots of stuff.

But that doesn’t mean we let everything go.  Most things– but not everything.

Do you know Anni?  I was looking to add to my “favorite blogs” and asked around for recommendations.  Her blog came up several times, so I had to check it out.  After reading several posts of hers, I was hooked.

This post in particular about compromise gave me pause.  In it, Anni gives a short list of things that are NOT open to compromise for her family, and it’s implied that everything else is up for negotiation to some extent.

The more I thought about it, the more this sparked what is going to be my last happiness post for Write 31 Days.

I think that the best advice I could give to anyone making a big transition – – such as getting married or having a baby – – is to come up with a list of non-negotiables and leave the rest open to compromise.

I know several people who make a big d-a-m-n deal out of everything.  There’s no middle ground.  There’s no compromise.  If there’s an opinion to be had, they’ve got one– and it’s a strong one.

The problem with such a lifestyle is that it is exhausting.  If you’re constantly busy being irritated or feeling offended or standing your ground there isn’t a lot of space to be happy.

Ever since reading Anni’s post, I’ve felt called to explore my non-negotiables.  Maybe it’s also as a response to those who think we’re just lazy parents.  Turns out we do care about some things!  Just not the things like whether our kids are wearing Under Armor brand clothing.

Non-Negotiables:

Faith:  We will attend Mass and pray as a family.
Service:  We will do our part to help in our family and world.
Kindness:  We will treat each other with patience and care.
Stewardship:  We will love people and use things in a way that builds up God’s kingdom.
Thinking:  We will learn and grow and talk about everything together.

I’ll need to take some time to think about my list, but it seems like this covers a lot of territory while still leaving room for compromise.  How we celebrate a holiday?  What our schedule looks like?  To homeschool or not to homeschool?  All of those are open for discussion, given the context of our larger values.

I’d really like my kids to be better at chores, but freaking out over every way they’ve failed isn’t going to be effective or make me feel happy.  If we sit down and talk about realistic ways that we can serve each other in or family, though, that gets us one step closer to meeting our service non-negotiable.

Yes.  I like this list.  I don’t think we’re quite as bullet-proof as the DiMeos in the clip, but we are a sturdy bunch who knows what’s important.  And that might be the key to any sort of long-term happiness– knowing what you stand for and living it out.  That means not getting all worked up about a little preschooler public urination.

Thanks for reading along.

 

The Happiness Series
Day 1:  The Evolution of an Idea
Day 2:  In a Cave
Day 3:  The Pursuit
Day 4:  Peanuts Gang Style
Day 5: A Beautiful Death
Day 6/7:  Like a Moody Teenager
Day 8:   Survival of the Fittest Gardening
Day 9:  My Sunday Best
Day 10:  Traditions
Day 11:  Still in the Cave
Day 12: More Than Surviving
Day 13: On Rollerskates and Wheelchairs
Day 14:  Rainbow Moments
Day 15: Lazy Parenting

 

Follow along via facebook, bloglovin, or email subscription (above).