Life is so much better than it was a couple months ago. It’s been so nice that I’ve been lulled into a false sense of security with Cee’s health. We’re dealing with a flare up today that has brought me back to reality. And panic.
These things have been hard today:
*taking medicine
*eating anything
*dressing
*getting up
*moving
*following directions
*being touched
Not the worst day we’ve had, by any stretch, but still rough.
I’ve spent the day trying to figure out what could have contributed to the flare today, but there’s no obvious answer.
We got the kids’ pictures taken today, and they seemed to go okay–especially for Cee not feeling well. Looking through the pictures on the computer to order some, though, made me realize just how serious this still is. To me, Cee’s color has improved greatly since we’ve gotten back from Mayo. She also looks less frail. But looking at her pictures on the computer, she still appeared so sickly. She looked greyish and had big bags under her eyes.
And I’m back to panicking. Her arthritis has been a series of ups and downs, but we’ve been more up than down these past few weeks. What if this is the tip of a downward spiral? The last okay day before everything heads south? Today Cee wanted to rest more than usual and complained whenever she was touched. What if tomorrow she won’t eat anything? What if she won’t get off the couch?
Cee is not the only one who is recovering and greyish at this point. I don’t know if our family can handle another low-low. Admittedly, our lowest-low was when I spent hours coaxing Cee to eat or drink the few bites/sips she’d take for whole day, Moe was only two weeks old, and we didn’t have electricity for several days because of a big ice storm. Things would have to change an awful lot to get back to that. But we’re all still just barely functioning beyond survival mode even after all that time.
Hopefully today is just a fluke–a rough day that helps us appreciate how smooth things usually are. Just remembering life two months ago shows me how much we have to be thankful for! Whatever happens in the next few days, weeks, and months will be easier to manage with hot water and clean laundry.